I plan on sending angry emails this week. Okay, irate emails. Fine, not even irate; polite inquiries, really. They can't get upset at me for politely inquiring how the process is going, right? RIGHT?
If I don't hear back from any of this most recent round of jobs, then I believe that clinches it. I'm moving away. I don't even know where yet. I do know that I will wait until after the holidays, since business is finally starting to pick up at the 'bee's, slowly yet surely, so once I make it through the madness that is the holiday rush, then I will have sufficient funding - or at the very least, just enough so I can move away and not die for a month or two. Wise advice has helped me see that that's all I need.
With that sort of ambition, maybe I'll make all my dreams come true at once and move to England.... yes...
Ahem. Moving on, I picked up another shift tonight. Carside again. I really don't mind it, as long as people tip me. Which, most of the time, they don't. But every now and then it's a nice change to work carside. Don't have to deal with the constant interaction of bartending, always playing the listener or the entertainer. Don't have to worry about harassing one's tables repeatedly with drink refills or pushy dessert inquiries. Nope, just answer the phone, take the order, and take it to the car when they arrive. If I'm lucky, they see me for a minute, minute and a half, tops, and maybe reward me with a dollar or two for my efforts.
On a completely unrelated note (my, aren't we scattered to-day, mentally speaking), I'm terrible at keeping in touch with people. Truly. I've moved and changed schools so many times in my life, I'm used to just leaving it all behind and picking up in a new place, meeting new people, creating a new routine. After college, it was so strange to move back to a city I knew, with familiar locations and faces and phone numbers that weren't long distance for once. For once, I don't want to forget the people I left behind, those who made my four years of college so much more than tolerable, yet I'm falling back into the same pattern of forgetfulness. My best and dearest friend to me in the world and I have lost touch. We used to be able to talk for hours, exchanging random stories and oh yeah that reminds me of this that happened but wait I was telling a story and if I don't finish I'll forget and then we'll get on another tangent that leads to four more stories and meanwhile we can't stop quoting movies/TV shows we love to watch together and have to take a break to laugh until we can't breathe. Now, we're lucky if we talk once a week. I understand that's how life works and people grow up and reach the point where they have luncheons every now and then to catch up with "old college buddies" or whatnot, but I've never been the sort of carry that kind of friendship off very well. And I miss my best friend.
Why is it that you break twenty-one years of age, and suddenly realize that adult life is very different than you always imagined it, back when you were writing short stories as if all that was troublesome in the world resolved itself at age twenty-four? If that were the case, apparently I'm due to have all my worries resolved in the next year. If only it worked like my twelve-year-old self always dreamed...
These ramblings don't seem to make a great deal of sense, even as I glance back through them. I probably shouldn't even post this, but sometimes it's helpful to purge the mind of all those disconnected thoughts, just for housecleaning's sake, I suppose. Who know, you might even understand a little bit of where I'm coming from.
2 comments:
i get where you're coming from. ox
and i really hope the job hunt improves. but england doesn't sound too shabby either ;)
Just saying. You might not think that you are that person but just think about it. When you are younger you have a limited number of friends that you can divide your time with, then you make one move and you add people to that math problem and it gives most people less of your time. Then you move again and maybe you still have a few friends that you talk to more than others but the other time that you have is stretched between all these old and new friends that you make and leave behind. As long as you are interacting with anyone daily you are doing pretty well for yourself. And as annoying as modern technology is just because you don't hear from someone doesn't mean that I'm not stalking your messages or in this case your blog AND I would hope that just because I don't hear from you you might be doing a little stalking of your own...... but in closing, I know exactly what you mean. And sometimes I get real upset thinking about those 4 years of my life that are not only in the past but are over a year behind me... SCARY!
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